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Emerging From Troubled Days

by Veronica

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1.
Take in a breath, you know you’re only a monkey; 98% of you: same as a chimpanzee. All of your senses and your confusing emotions ain’t nothing compared to them humungous oceans. Stand by the breaks, feel the waves bringing it in from the center of the sea. And if the earth has lungs, these are they. Grass gettin’ flooded ‘cause the rain won’t stop. Worms keep sneakin’ under the backyard gate (ha ha); out onto the driveway all over the sidewalk; headlamps of the car staring them down. Maybe its smiling but that looks like a frown, does it have a soul; there’s know way you could know. But it sure feels like it when you’re driving it around you know it’s brain isn’t anything, isn’t anything. You know it ain’t nothing when it sits still. Steel, its only steel. So what would it matter if it could say it? “Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill”! Eyes like magnets to the circle on the screen. The circle is a head and the head is saying something. It’s saying, “Gods light is in everything. Even in the snakes and the liars and the fakes.” But there’s something in the way he moves his lips and his tongue that tell you he has no idea what he’s saying. All alone fragile soul like a glass thrown into the air which holds nothing but water. So why do we name them, ‘Allison and Andrew’. Gigantic and gentle when they are still. Demons riding in on the chill. So what would it matter if they could say it? “Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill, Kill”!
2.
Mr. Moth, are you on the way? Will you dance and twirl for me tonight? Zippity-zip your crazy zig-zag way. I’ll leave on my friendly bedroom light. Hey! You’re just like me! You dance and twirl. You like all bright and shiny things I know you’d like the lightbulb girl. Mr. Moth, you are my special friend. I know I can tell you anything.You see, that girl she is so shiny that I’m blinded by her beauty. Couldn’t fly away, not even with your wings You’re just like me! You dance and twirl. You like all bright and shiny things I know you’d like the lightbulb girl. So I went to tell her honestly. But I didn’t want to turn her off (so to speak).‘Cause the lightbulb girl is pure and bright and everybody loves her and I know I’m just a lowly little moth You’re just like me! You dance and twirl You like all bright and shiny things I know you’d like the lightbulb girl And perhaps this is a crazy song.And perhaps I am a crazy man. And perhaps she will reject me on the basis of my psyche, yet attracted to her flame I’ll always be—it’s what I am! You’re just like me! You dance and twirl You like all bright and shiny things I know you’d like the lightbulb girl.
3.
Summer 02:30
‘Hello from the gutters of New York City’. Where lover’s memories and kisses all get washed away. No he’s not sleeping, he’s pacing like the dog next door. The ‘Duke of Death’ the ‘Wicked Wicker’ he’s gonna come around once more. Crutches in the parking lot; handcuffs in the back seat. The ‘Cold Hearted, True Deceiver’ clutching up his own conceit. Jumping from the second story, running through the aspen leaves. He’s running, he’s running, he’s running through my summer. Don’t take my summer! It’s my summer! So I’m ten years old getting along, I don’t don’t understand it all at all. But everything is cul-de-sacs and summer tar and stars and all. But I see these faces every day, staring back from black and grey. Taking my imagination and my innocence away. So I brace myself for the darkness now its coming and I race myself into the corner of the closet. And I see his friendly twisted face outside of my window, now I’m running, I’m running, I’m running. Don’t take my summer! Its my summer!
4.
Washin’ dishes in the trailer. Playin’ the record super loud. My favorite record shook the clock off the wall and it fell and broke on the ground. I’m in trouble. Last friday down on Vine street. Out under the moon; I don’t remember but it happened so fast, and now there’s nothin’ I can do. Will it be like you said it was: will my punishment fit my crime? I wish I could take it all and go back. Back in time. Back in time! I remember getting busted for something when I was a kid. You’d hit me in your drunken cussin’. No matter what I did. But now I’m in trouble! I’m in trouble!
5.
Five AM was ringin‘ papa san calling “come on over”! “You’ve got gigs from Nagasaki all the way through Tokyo”. Little slippers on the jumbo JAL they showed Columbo. He met me at Hanaeda out on the tar, but he didn’t have a car so I rode through neon drinking sake on the backseat of his Kawasaki. And I got burned by the tailpipe of his Kawasaki dirt bike. Yeehooo! Tokyo and ‘oh, my soul’ roses printed on a bowl. Spikes of light through the covered porch, midnight dinner by a torch. Mama san with a plate of plums, lets see it all before the daylight comes! I had noodles in the dark under the stars over Hibaya park. So many lights it looks just like the sea. Golden dragon watching over me. I touched the fat stone buddha just for luck. Joy Riding! Fast Toyota truck! Otemachi! Black Toyota truck. Uchikanda! Black Toyota truck. Nagatacho! Black Toyota truck. Ichibancho! Black Toyota truck. Otemachi.
6.
Pale blue pearl hanging in space. Spinning and reeling in gravity’s halo. One clean elipse; billions of dirty souls clinging and clamoring everywhere. Frivolous thing. Lost on earth. Lost in space. Lost amongst the human race. Curl his lip and toss his hair. Lonely and rejected heir. Worries, nightmares, stoned elation. Broken hearted martyr murder. Hands in prayer, faces lifted. Mourning son (morning sun).
7.
Frederick 02:48
Frederick went to heaven and they pierced his fucking ears. Laced him up in velveteen and threw away his years. They said: “Now you’ve got your reigns, you can go where you want to”. All he could think about was Manhattan. New york city yeah its cool when its dark. But he had wings made of silver and spark. Now he had the keys to anyplace he could haunt. Downtown or uptown or right on Central Park. Frederik took a breath as he stepped of of the cloud onto a gleaming crystal stairway leading down into the crowd. 42nd Street, it was bustling with cops but as he walked through port authority he didn’t even stop. Patty was waiting at the end of the hall. She held out her hand, they began to fall. They floated like they had feathers under their feet and they began to dance in the middle of the street. And they danced barefoot and spinning under a gleaming chandelier. Because the night, had brought out the stars: light streamed down from up above. Then the heavens brought out TH-Thunders! and he played a waltz that woke up all New York. Hey!
8.
Cry Baby 01:57
Saturday black out Sunday morning television bummer bad weekend coast on your head. All the true mothers out living your life you’ve been lazy. And now its driving you crazy. Black days and nights bad made up lies fake mannequin life you’ve got your head in your hands like a tourniquet acting like a baby. Make it up by getting up early on Monday but now its gone you only lose again and nothing you can do will make it ring true you’ve fucked it up so bad and now you’re the only one to blame. Black days and nights bad made up lies fake mannequin life you’ve got your head in your hands like a tourniquet holding you out for what you get you get to be a baby. Cry Baby.
9.
Rattle 01:37
I need a rattle. That I can shake before I break, you know I get tired of being awake. I need a rattle. I’m short of breath inside these years, ride it out pin back my ears and rattle. Laugh and cry spit in my eye, crash this body through the high. Dress myself in madder rose and mayflower leaves in mortal pose. No one’s watching, I don’t matter. So I need a rattle. That I can on and on while its all gone; all broke down across the dawn and rattled! Bottle tired and powder old when does this ink turn into gold it rattles! Shed your soul freak out your mind turning you out from the rind. Dress yourself in gaining vine; pelt of glamour sheltered blind. No one’s watching, they won’t mind. So I need a rattle. I need a rattle.
10.
I saw you peeping at you in your rearview. You seeing you made you cry. You seeing you made you want to go and hide. Can’t you wash it out? Its not so bad when I see it from this side. Everybody knows that your poor heart is broken and its sad but so am I. What’s with your hair? Everybody knows you’re the loneliest girl in this town. Lord knows I am the loneliest boy. I want to run away from this place and leave myself and never come back. I can’t believe I’ve kept this secret for so long now that I may never give it back. Can’t you wash it out? Its not so bad when I see it from this side. Everybody knows that your poor heart is broken and its sad but so am I. What’s with your hair?
11.
Hurley Wax 03:36
Late last night just before the light, my rusty rig and I took flight and sailed up o’er the morning grass; rocks and blood and bones and glass. There I died, my body torn; my wife and kids left back to mourn. They took some thing that were dearly mine and built me a sad little standing shrine by the side of the road: brass box and clover, red earth turned in mourning over. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. There’s my soul rising up from the blood and the rust. Straighten this road that I’ve been winding, remove these regrets I’ve been finding. Soothe each soul wound into me. Brave those too and set them free. But give mine now a chance to rest. I made mistakes but I did my best. Help me feel so not alone. Take me now, I’m sure I’m coming Home! I’m coming Home!
12.
If you were me, would you call me up even though we just met? Probably you’d be scared of scaring me off and yet if you we’re me would you write my name on the back of your hand if you were me, would you be as lonesome as I am? If I were you. I’d call you up just to say ‘how you doing’? I’d know what to do. And I’d know the horoscope wasn’t fooling. If I were you it would be so easy to be together. Dreams would come true. If you were me and if only I was you. If you were me and if only I was you.

credits

released November 15, 2010

Drums: John Call
Guitars, synthesizers and vocals: Ted Thacker
Bass guitar, synthesizers and vocals: Andrew Koch

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Veronica Denver, Colorado

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